As good as it gets
by nobodyshouldknow
Summary: When a case effects Emily badly Morgan confronts her and soon the team is having an interesting conversation that might help her and Reid dealing with certain things.


Thsi fic takes place somewhere after "Proof" and has some references to it. Not directly a spoiler, but it might be hard to understand if you haven´t seen the episode. I didn´t write nor direct "Proof" or any other CM-episode and own nothing of it.

_Wit consists in knowing the resemblance of things that differ, and the difference of things that are alike.__  
><em>_-Anne Louise Germaine de Stael __  
><em>

The team had just finished off a case in Nebraska and was on its way home on the jet.

The unsub was man named Ethan Brown. A few years ago he had gotten addicted to painkillers after a bad fall down a building. He had started taking some other stuff after that, but then stopped doing drugs after awhile though, and was in full recovery until his sister died in a car accident. Then he had started taking narcotics again, which resulted in him becoming delusional and killing men who reminded him on the drunk driver who had caused his sister´s death.

Emily sat in the jet and stared out of the window.

-You all right?

Typical Morgan. Of course he was the first one to ask.

-Oh, I´m fine, everything´s great, she answered. It was a lie. Emily looked over at Reid who was sitting against JJ. Morgan followed her gaze. Emily sighted and looked again out of the window.

-Come on Emily, you acted very strangely during the case, and I think it has something to do with the unsub and it´s not like you to freak out like that. Whatever it is that is bothering you, you can tell me.

Emily sighted again.

The case they had just finished had brought up some rather unpleasant thoughts for Emily. It shouldn´t bother her-it hadn´t happened. She shouldn´t let the resemblance get to her. But she just couldn´t stop thinking about it.

-Brown wasn't just some serial killer. He was a good person who loved his sister and started doing drugs again when she died. It could have happened to everyone, Emily said. She had talked a little bit too loud. The rest of the team was watching her, except for Reid who looked away. Of course.

Morgan sighted. He had seen this coming when she had ran off to Brown to convince him to quit doing drugs for his sister´s sake. He´d have to talk to Reid to, as soon as they were alone.

-Look, no one is saying Brown was a bad person. He just lost someone he loved and made a wrong decision. That cost him his sanity and innocent people their lives. But it wasn´t his fault, it were the drugs, Morgan said.

-I know, I just wish he had survived.

-Maybe it´s for the best, Reid said.

-What do you mean? Emily asked

-Well, maybe he would someday realize what he had done and feel guilty about it.

-You are right. This might really be his "happy ending", Emily said. -I guess I just…I can´t stop thinking about his sister. I mean how would she feel if she knew that her brother went back to drugs and started killing people because of her.

-It´s not because of her. It´s because of her death. And it´s not her fault. It´s his fault. He was too weak. I know it´s a harsh thing to say but it´s true. Addicts aren´t allowed any excuses, Reid said. There was something…intense in his voice. A silence fell over the plain. Emily looked at him.

-You didn´t slip. You didn´t fail. You didn´t start drugs again and you didn´t kill all those people. And even if it would have happened, I would still love you. And even if you would have started taking dilaudid I doubt you´d have turned into a serial killer.

Reid smiled. –Thanks Em. Oh, and for the record; whenever I wanted to take dilaudid I thought about how disappointed you´d be in me, so I tried to resist it for your sake. Not just because of you, but partially. It would have been a disgrace to your memory to take dilaudid because of you, especially since…well the way I treated you the last time. That though really did help me. You sort of inspired me to stay strong. Reid smiled.

-Well, I am glad I could help," Emily said and lay back in her seat. She looked out of the window again.

-It would have been devastating to come back and realizing I had lost you to drugs.

-Even if it would have happened, it wouldn´t be your fault. Only mine, Reid said. –Remember that.

-And since we´re are already on the subject of Emily´s death, why won´t Morgan tell you about the time he chased a dark-haired woman around for minutes, during the middle of a case, because she reminded him of you, Rossi said to Emily.

-Shut it, Morgan mumbled.

-Or about the time you got a panic attack when I was leaning over the rail of a bridge, Reid mocked.-He actually thought I was going to kill myself. You should have seen how furious he got at me. I

-Yeah, that was a mistake. I should have let you do it, Morgan replied.

-I believe Reid is leaving out the part about why he was leaning over said rail, Rossi said.

- Hey, on what side are you on?

-Mine, of course. If you don't stick with the winning chance, there´s no use in playing.

-Why did you lean over the rail? JJ asked. Reid looked down.

-I thought I saw Emily standing on the river side.

-Really? Emily asked.

-Yeah, I saw you a lot the first few…well months actually. All imaginations, of course, but still. I knew you were dead, and that it wasn´t real, but in a way it was good to see you again, even if it were just hallucinations. Though it was disappointing of course, when you, or your reflections to be exact, disappeared.

- You know, when I was in France I actually followed a woman around because she reminded me on Garcia from the back. Then I saw her face and I got so disappointed and sad when I saw it wasn´t her, even if I had known it already, Emily said.- I also once saw a man with the same hair-cut as Reid. For a moment I thought it was him. It really broke my heart, because I was so happy thinking that for some reason you were there. That maybe you were there to get me back because Doyle had been caught or something like that."

"Disappointment can really hurt sometimes," Rossi said.

_The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost._

_-G.K. Chesterton_


End file.
